I had a rough weekend folks. My good friend E was in town from good ole Springfield, Illi-noise and he can be, to put it most lightly, a hard-drinking fellow. He gave me an hands-on education about whiskey (or was it Scotch?) and how peat moss (or was it the aged oak barrels?) gave certain kinds of whisky a distinctive smoky taste. Yeah, well, it was distinctive, in the way that seeing your house on fire might be “distinctive” - harsh, fiery, and tear-inducing. And I’m sure both will have you feeling pretty rough the next day.

I digress. I should be talking about E’s penchant for man-foods. He likes the simple things in life, most of them with plenty of meat, or peat, or whatever… But since he was sleeping on MY futon, darn it, he was relegated to eating veggie burgers, quesadillas, and the food most beloved by man: pizza.

I admit that I’m not sure this pizza can technically be called pizza since it doesn’t have cheese but this is my blog, darn it, and I’m giving you a recipe for some pizza without cheese (or vegan “cheeze”) that can compete on the same level as cheese pizza.

I’ll admit that I got this idea from Amy’s brand roasted veggie pizza. It works. I adapt the recipe. You get to enjoy. This can be your pizza too, darn it, so get to roastin’.

While you’re at it, check out these awesome vegetarian pizzas from other great bloggers:

If you don’t want whole wheat crust, try this wonderfully-illustrated pizza recipe by Elise at Simply Recipes. I haven’t tried it, but I trust Elise!

Jalapeno and Salsa Pizza from Albion Cooks

Pear and Gorgonzola Pizza from Albion Cooks again (Catherine is quite the Veggie Pizza Queen)

I’m dying to try this Cilantro Pesto Pizza with Sweet Garlic Sauce (Yum!) From Brownie Points. McAuliflower suggests that this would make an excellent vegan pizza if you omit the cheese and I agree!

Make Pizza on the Grill with Matt from Matt Bites

Mexican Pizza with Refried Beans from Vive le Vegan

BBQ “Chik’n” Pizza by yours truly

Serves: 4 - 6
Time: 1 hour 15 minutes with a store-bought crust

Vegan Caramelized Onion Pizza

crust recipe for 2 pizzas, homemade or store-bought
6 large sweet onions, sliced to 1/4 inch thick
salt
2 red peppers, cut into pieces
2 green peppers, cut into pieces
1/2 bunch of broccoli, cut into florets
olive oil
freshly cracked pepper

If you want to make your own crust, and believe me, you want to make your own crust, you can use this wheat crust recipe from Allrecipes. It has never failed me. Or you could use store-bought crust or the recipe from your uncle Mario, whatever.

Now it’s time to caramelize your onions. Put them in a skillet with some olive oil and cook, stirring occasionally, over medium-low heat. Add some salt, and cook until they start to turn golden/reddish/brown, about 30 - 40 minutes.

While you’re onions are caramelizing, you can roast your veggies: tumble them in some (a lot of) olive oil, salt, and pepper and put them on a cookie sheet in an oven for 30 minutes or so, or until they are nice and roasty.

Slather your crust with the onions, using them as a sauce. Pile on the roasted veggies. Crack some peppercorns over the top and put in the oven for 25 minutes or so, or until the bottom of the crust is crispy.

Howdy everyone.  Today I’m excited to share with you an excellent, easy and eggtastic vegan recipe.  Fake eggs, people.  We’re talking the darling of vegetarians and grassy-smelling hippies everywhere: t-o-f-u. It’s not eggs; it’s better.

The tofu recipe I shall present you with in a moment has a cushiony-soft and sweet taste like the coming of spring but will still bust your chops with the smoky spicy flavor of chipote pepper.  It’s a two-faced dish for sure, but more for the Lions-to-Lambs of March than the blustery two-faced Janus.  The veggies folded in the tofu provide nice color and texture contrasts.
 
I made this dish as the vegan option for my latest brunch and it was a big hit with vegans, vegetarians, carnivores, adults, children, and accordionists alike.  It was actually my first time making tofu scramble and I wasn’t convinced that smooched tofu had anything going it (except being fun to smooch) but it’s taste, texture, and hash-brown compatibility made it a complete winner.  Enjoy!
 
Serves: 5
Time: 20 minutes

Chipotle-Maple Tofu Scramble

1/2 a small 7oz can chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
1/4 cup of maple syrup
2 8oz packages of extra firm Tofu
1 green pepper, diced
2 tomatoes, deseeded and diced
2 bunches green onions, sliced
1/4 tsp turmeric for color, optional
salt

Blend together the chipotle peppers and adobo sauce with the maple syrup in a blender or food processor.
 
Drain the water from your tofu.  Try to get as much out as possible by squeezing with a towel or using a colander + paper towel contraption.  Wetness is your enemy in this recipe, so try to get as much liquid out of the tofu and tomatoes as possible.
 
If your skillet tends to stick add a little olive oil and heat over medium heat. Sauté the green peppers for a few minutes then add the tofu, chipotle-maple mix, tomatoes, green onions, turmeric, and a little salt to taste. 
 
Smooch up the tofu with the back of a wooden spoon, stir, and heat until any extra liquid is absorbed or until the tofu is hot and the veggies are soft.

I know I’m a little late for the Chinese New Year but these kumquats are a little celebration unto themselves.

What, not familiar with the ‘quat? Apparently in Canton they are pronounced “Gumgut,” which is a pun on the words for gold (gum) and for good fortune (dai gut.)  It’s a Chinese New Year thing to give away and decorate with pots of these cute fruits. It’s supposed to bring you (guess what) wealth and good fortune.  Gumgut is also a pretty cool word and I think I shall start using it as a term of endearment.

For those of you who have not had the (yep) good fortune to try a kumquat, run out right now and buy a big ole handful. They are addictive little buggers, packed with vitamin C. I’d describe them as the caviar of fruit world – a sweet, chewy and edible rind filled with a surprisingly tingly sour interior that explodes flavor in your mouth.

This dish is a quick and snazzy little stir fry spiffed up by the glamorous golden ‘quats. Use your favorite stir fry sauce or try mine, it doesn’t mater. Any way this dish will come out golden, bringing you good fortune for at least the time it takes you to eat this dish.

Serves: 4
Time: 40 minutes

Broccoli and Kumquat Stir fry

3 Tbsp unseasoned rice vinegar
4 Tbsp tamari/Braggs/Soy Sauce
4 cloves of garlic, minced
30 kumquats, seeded and sliced into thirds on the bias
4 red Thai chilies, sliced on the bias
2 bunches of broccoli, cut into florets
2 8oz boxes of flavored seitan or tofu
short grain brown rice or noodles to serve

Combine the vinegar, soy sauce and garlic in a small saucepan and bring to a simmer for a a few minute to combine.
Heat a large wok to very hot and brown the seitan or tofu. Set aside.

Stir fry kumquats and chilies. Set aside.

Stir fry the broccoli and when it’s bright green return the seitan, kumquats and chilies to the wok. Cover with the sauce and stir until heated through.

Serve on a bed of brown rice or noodles.

Warning: this recipe will induce napping

I’d be hard pressed to call this pizza anything but vegetarian junk food. Good ol’ sweet ‘n savory turbo-carbo-charged junk food. It’s pretty amazing. I’m not suggesting you eat it everyday, but after a week of salads and bean soup it’s a perfect blast of flavor and fat that will leave you comatose for approximately one hour afterward.

Look, I know you’re going to make this pizza anyway but be forewarned: fluff your pillows, knock the extra shoes and clotheshangers off the couch, scootch your dinner plate to the middle of the table ’cause within a hour your whole body will be in such a state of bliss you’ll fall asleep wherever you happen to be. Here’s a list of places I’ve fallen asleep due entirely to the deliciousness of this pizza:

1. my bed
2. my couch (It’s small and has a crack exactly where you don’t want it)
3. someone else’s bed
4. Broadway & Canal

Ok, I didn’t really fall asleep at Broadway & Canal. It’s called comic exaggeration, people, and furthermore falling asleep on a Chinatown sidewalk is not only dangerous but you’d be libel to wake up with a faux Prada bag on your arm and that’s just tacky.
But, boring as the other 3 are they are at least true and if there’s anything I like to give you here at Vanesscipes.com, besides wonderful vegetarian food for thought, it’s the truth.

And truthfully, this is good pizza.

Serves: 4 realistically, 6 if you make a good side salad
Time: 40 minutes assuming a store-bought crust

BBQ “Chik’n” Pizza

2 12-14 inch pizza crusts – homemade (see below) or purchased
1 1/2 10oz boxes chik’n nuggets, so about 15oz of nuggets
about 2 cups of your favorite BBQ sauce, flavored with some orange zest if you’d like
1 red onion
2 green peppers, sliced
small jar of sliced jalapenos, to taste
1 brick of mozzarella cheese, grated

Make (or unpackage) your pizza crust. I’m a sworn fan of this wheat crust from Allrecipes. The wheat even gives this pizza a semblance of health, which, of course, is completely misleading.

Cook the chik’n nuggets using your preferred method (I actually use a skillet, which is not, I noticed, a method mentioned on the box) until just more than thawed. Slice each nugget into 3 or 4 pieces and toss these with some BBQ sauce.

Brush a thin layer of BBQ sauce on your pizza crust. If using a homemade crust pay extra close attention not to use too much lest you end up with a soggy crust.

Then, top your pizza. I put the chik’n on first, then load on the onions and green peppers before daintily placing the jalapenos so I’m assured a small taste of one, but not more, in every bite. But I like things spicy, you can do as you please.

Then, sprinkle on a hardy amount of cheese and bake in a preheated 425 degree oven for about 20 minutes.

Set your alarm for about an hour and a half from now so you don’t oversnoose.

A long time ago, so long ago I can’t hardly remember, I read a recipe for a soup called Veronica’s Lake. The chef was…wait for it… Veronica Lake. Look, I don’t even know who she is. But she’s famous. And she made a vegetable soup that looked like a lake.

Since I can’t remember what was in Veronica’s Lake, I get to make different soup, pick the ingredients, and name the soup… wait for it… “Vanessa’s Lake.” I wanted this soup to be a nice, misty green… like fog kissing a forest pond at sunrise.

I was simultaneously intrigued by the Amateur Gourmet’s call-to-arms for photos of blue foods. If I was making a lake, why not make it a blue lake? But blueberries didn’t belong in a root-and-shoot soup. Blue potatoes seemed too purple. Blue corn chips… too easy.

Then I recalled a bit of food lore I read a few months ago in the New York Times - that garlic turns blue under certain conditions. I dug the article up again (here from a different site,) followed the instructions, and holy blue cow! Garlic does turn blue:

I figured I could top Vanessa’s Lake with some blue garlic oil and, like an Indian tarka, it would add the last wallop of flavor.

However, the Amateur Gourmet is onto someting… the moldy blue color looked downright gross on my lovely spring-moss soup. I mean, doesn’t it look frighteningly like Smurf-Berry Crunch? It’s practically the color of chewed cardboard. Not that I’ve ever chewed cardboard, though I had a gerbil once that was quite fond of it.

My advice is to make Vanessa’s Lake, savor the rich winter-to-spring soup and forget about eating blue.

Time: 1 hour
Serves: 4 - 6

Vanessa’s Lake

3 medium leeks, sliced
olive oil
4 1/2 cups water or broth
1 bunch asparagus, cut into half inch chunks
2 potatoes, peeled and diced
1 1/2 tsp Herbes de Provence or a combo of rosemary, thyme and basil
2 Tbsp rice wine vinegar
1 can white beans, drained and rinsed
1 can artichokes in water, drained and rinsed
salt and white pepper to taste
basil chiffonade or blue garlic to top

Add a long pour of olive oil to a big soup pot. Toss in the sliced leeks and cook until wilted, about 12 minutes.

Then add the broth, asparagus, herbs and vinegar. Bring to a simmer and cook for about 15 minutes or until the potatoes are tender.

Take off the heat. Add the beans and artichokes and blend in batches in a blender, food processor, or using an immersion blender, taking care not to splatter the hot soup on your pants because it will scald you right through your jeans. Ahem.

Return the puree to low heat, adjusting the seasonings with salt and white pepper.

Ladle into bowls. Top with a chiffonade of basil or blue garlic paste. You can make blue garlic paste by blending (in a blender or similar) a few old cloves of garlic with an equal amount of minced onion. Stir in a small saucepan over low heat. Keep stirring, be patient, and your garlic will start turning greenish-grey then greenish-bluish grey. Viola! A perfectly edible, perfectly revolting topping.